Jun 15, Not happy?

When I think of it now I see all the signs. They are there, in black and white. But I ignored them or just did not choose to see them. And had I chosen to see them would I have been able to do something about it? Now there is a thought.
He had always traveled so traveling was normal. But the meetings were often taking place very early on Monday and thus had to get there Sunday, and the flight was at 4. That was followed by weekend trips, where he often had workshops all day and thus could not talk long. Sometimes I wonder how stupid could I have been. But again, he seemed happy, involved with the kids. I suppose it all started to make sense, with the late evening phone calls, where he would take a walk, alone, to clear his head. Funny, he hates walking. I did confront him, but the key was that I expected the answer to be the one I wanted to hear. Denial was on his side. He guarded his bb with his life, and he would not let us see his passport, clue, still hides it. I suppose it all came to a screeching halt by accident. We had moved and I called the bank to make the change of address, the woman at the other end of the phone said I could only make changes to the accounts that had my name on them, not the others. We did not have any others, at least that is what I thought. A few hours later, his american express, with trial and error passwords, I found out the truth. It had been about 3 years. He was paying for an apartment, utilities and a healthy stipend. Plus trips and more dinners than he was having with us. You can imagine the rest right. But here we are, having a good time again, learning to love again, but the trust is just not coming. I call them my ghosts. Because they come in the middle of the night, specially when I recall the previous year and compare it, and think, I believed him then, why believe now. So yes, he moved out for a few days but then he followed us to a holiday I had planned alone with the kids. On his return, he stayed with the kids, and I stayed in Boston. He was very good with the kids, and we talked every day, as the friends we were before we were lovers. I loved that, the friendship. Now 8 months later, I need to remember that we are friends. The trust, I hope will come later.

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