Aug 15, Never thought it would happen to me...

by Heather
(Chicago )

My husband and I have been married 7 years and have two beautiful boys (5 and 4). I have had the feeling that he was cheating or had cheated for a while. 6 weeks ago he left his facebook page open and like any wife, I decided to go snooping. Flirty messages led me to download a key logger on our computer which would allow me to get all of his passwords for his private email and his work email which he can check at home. Over the next two weeks, I went digging. I found emails to a woman co-worker that were very flirty. She would describe her sexual encounters outside of her marriage and he would do the same. When I called him on it, he said that she had problems and really needed someone to talk to. Then I discovered emails that he sent her 2-4 years ago describing sexual encounters we had and how he was thinking of her. Again, he said it was a joke. But he was also describing encounters that were not me but other women. Again, they were supposedly before me. I finally found an old email that he sent to another woman, again describing a sexual encounter, that they had had when I was pregnant with our second son. The whole story is out, he admitted to the 1 month affair. (I think it may have been long but...) We were going through a very rough patch in our marriage, financially, physically (at the point when the affair started, I was eight months pregnant and we had not had any kind of sex life for a year and a half.) It was almost a joke that I got pregnant in the first place, one of the 3 times we had sex that year. Our first son was very colicky and we got zero sleep, let alone sex. So, anyway, the affair happened almost 4 years ago and I just found out. He has promised that the flirty has stopped and admitted that it went too far. He has also agreed that our sex life has improved tremendously over the course of the last 2 years. But how do I move on? I want my marriage to work! I do love my husband, but how do I get those very descriptive emails out of my head? How do I know that he just isn't taking a break from the 'girlfriends' and when I grow less observant, he'll pick up where he left off? How do I learn to trust him again? He cheated on me! He had sex with another woman! He got to experience that 'new relationship' feeling, that butterflies in the stomach feeling when you see them, the lust, the 'can't keep my mind off them' feeling. While I was at home, 8 months pregnant, taking care of my 1 year old. If anyone had any advice, please! I don't think I can do this alone.

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