5:59 AM

Nov 24, Cheated and Married Him ... ???

We started dating about 3.5 years ago. It started out as just friends and then we quickly became best friends. Eventually over time, the feelings grew and we began dating. A girl who he had seen before me decided that now that he settled down with me, that she wanted him back. She started to message him and tell him that she loved him and missed him and wanted him back. I asked him several times to tell her to leave him alone because we were together, but he never did. It really hurt my feelings and I began to think that if he couldn't tell her to go away, that maybe he still had feelings for her. What if he was seeing her behind my back? I began accusing him of things and asking him questions. A couple months later, I found online messages and IMs between him and numerous girls where he was asking them to come over and have sex. He denied our relationship to all of them, saying that we weren't together even though I wanted us to be and he didn't. I confronted him about it and the accusations and suspicions kept growing. For two months straight I asked him if he had cheated or was cheating and he would look me straight in the eye and say no. I found out two months later that he had been. He had been sleeping and hanging out with a girl for two months. I knew it deep down inside but I had no proof. A girl's car outside his house one evening when he wouldn't answer my calls but we were supposed to hang out, a girl constantly calling his phone but he would never answer around me, hiding his phone from me, etc. Well I broke it off when I found out even though he said he was sorry and begged me to stay with him and he wanted to change. For two months he kept telling me how much he loved me and wanted me back, but come to find out, he was still talking to the girl he cheated on me with and was seeing another girl!! He kept lying to me about them, but I knew better then. I started to see someone else and that was when he quit talking to them and asked for me back. So I decided to give him another chance. We got engaged before he went overseas and everything was great as far as I could tell. A couple months into him being overseas, he sexually webcammed a girl who was supposed to be my friend. She did things on camera for him and they watched each other ... she was married to a fellow soldier of his. She could look me in the eye and talk to me on a daily basis after doing that. On his leave, a female family friend came to visit him but he told me nothing about it. He picked her up from the airport and would hang out with her all day while I was going to my college classes and working. He would come back to my place late at night to sleep, get up and shower, and then go back to hanging out with her. He swore it was nothing sexual, he just hung out with her ... after all, they'd been friends before we ever got together and their families were friends. I ended up giving him the ring back and the night before he left to go back overseas was when I found out about him and my friend on webcam. We continued to talk while he was overseas but we weren't together. He started talking to the girl he cheated on me with again, all while he kept telling me he wanted to come home and prove to me that he was different and I was the only one for him. He came home from his tour overseas and we began to try to work things out. Things were going great! A few months later he got a job in a different town and moved. He met a girl, got her number, started talking to her and met up with her once, before I found out. I found that out by going through his phone. He said it was nothing sexual, just someone to talk to because he was lonely being somewhere where he knew no one. I talked to her as well and she verified that it never got physical, they just met up at a park and walked and talked. I still ended up moving down there to be close to him because I still so wanted to believe that we could work out but I knew that having that much distance between us wouldn't help. A couple months later we found out I was pregnant. He wanted to get married and I said no at first, I had my hesitations. Well, we ended up getting married and I still to this day deal with all the insecurities and issues of the past. I don't know how to move forward and if we'll truly ever be able to work it all out. He's changed, I can see it. I can see his facebook, cell phone and cell phone bill, he comes straight home after work and spends time with us, I've checked up on him multiple times and haven't found anything. He swears he's changed and that he's dedicated to this marriage and to this family .. says things are different now and he's grown up and realized a lot of things since the past. I want to believe him and I do believe he has good intentions, I just don't have faith that he can stay true to me and our family, even though he may want to. I know I've played a part in it all, I am not easy to get along with at times and I don't always make things easy. I know I have my things that I need to change but is it worth it to go through all of it and just have him do it again?? This time, we have a child to think about!!


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8:51 AM

Aug 22, Restoring Trust After an Affair

Restoring Trust After an Affair is an article that will give you a step by step process to restoring the trust after infidelity.

Restoring trust is all about working through the infidelity and finding a way that you can both get through it.

The 3 phases to recovering from an affair in your relationship are outlined below and will give you a better understanding of the process if you are not sure where to start.

Phase 1 is THE most important part of restoring trust after an affair!

This is where you need to look at yourself and your emotions and pain and sort it all out. When I say "you" I mean the injured party in the relationship -- the injured party is the one who has so many questions, so many thoughts running through their head, that they just don't know where to start.

Instead of leaving these thoughts in your head you need to verbalise them. You need to ask the questions not just let them fester inside you,this won't help to restore your trust in your relationship.

This can be a really difficult time and actually sitting down and discussing the infidelity as two adults is not always as easy as it seems!

We all know that marriage is hard and infidelity in a marriage is a LOT harder. So you really do need to have a third party liasing between both of you so that the emotions don't take over.

Is this phase is done right then getting over the affair can move much quicker and the communication be much better.

After you have been through your emotions and discussed it with you partner then you can start looking towards the future.

I am not saying that this is a quick fix process.... it is FAR from that but it is possible and if you both work together to change what is caused the affair then you can both have a bright future together.

Find out more about the 3 phases through the 7-Step Home Study Course - Survive An Affair a free course that will outline the process in much more detail than I have written here.

How to Survive the Affair is a really comprehensive program that will go through the 3 phases with you and HELP you get through the infidelity and move past the pain.

Dr Frank Gunzburg has been counseling for over 30 years and he really understands what you are going through.

You owe it to yourself and to your relationship to at least go to the Free 7-Step Home Study Course - Survive An Affair

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